I met my sons for the first time 10 years ago. Even after so many years, the anxiety I felt in that moment is palpable.
The intense urge to flight somewhere in the complete opposite direction. This was the first of many steps in obeying God’s call even though I was terrified. I hesitantly knocked on the door of their foster home. Little bubba bolted out of the door and nearly tackled my husband with a bear hug. It took sweet cheeks a little longer to connect, but by the end of the night he warmed up.
The next day we took the boys for a few hours by ourselves for the first time. Again, terrifying. They didn’t cry which was beneficial to my emotional state, but it left me wondering if this was the first clue to attachment issues. When we were putting the boys in their car seats, I ripped part of my fingernail off. Ouch! So off we went to the gas station for Band-Aids. We played with these Band-Aids for the rest of the day sticking them all over the car and our bodies. At the time I had no idea I would repeatedly hear Band-Aids as a recommendation for nurturing children from hard places. My husband and I were so naïve. We didn’t know what we didn’t know, yet God orchestrated the situation to help us create healing. He provided in ways we couldn’t even understand until years later.
Band-Aids are still one of the tools I use to create moments of nurture with my children. Inherently, I am more of a “suck it up butter cup” type of parent with a natural tendency to parent with authority and structure. Nurture is not natural to me. Left to my own tendencies, I might have even said things like “Put your big girl panties on. You are fine. I have had worse scratches on my eyeball.” I really have to work on upping the nurture. Here are a few nurturing tools I carry in my adoptive mommy purse to help me strike a balance between nurture and structure:
Nurturing moments help shape and heal children from hard places. It builds them up and helps them understand their precioiusness.
Be intentional and think about easy ways to up the nurture for your child.
If you desire more support on your journey, we would love to have you join us for the Tapestry Conference.