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The Honest Truth About “Just Adopting”

By: Kristin Violi - January 25, 2012

Certainly I’m not the only one who has lost count of how many times I’ve heard someone say something to the effect, “I guess we’ll just adopt a child…after all, my pregnancy was really difficult and my husband and I have always talked about ‘just adopting’.” I usually remain quiet, not quite sure if I should just smile, nod and walk away and say a little prayer in my heart for them. However, what I really want to do is burst their bubble and go through the long list of ‘labor and delivery’ steps required to “just adopt.” After all, if I share my experience of “just adopting” that sent me twice to Russia and once to Arizona, in both cases far exceeding the typical nine month wait, and filled with its own version of morning sickness (and afternoon and evening sickness too) and more than a few prolonged labor pains along the way, that might just cure them from thinking to Google the word adoption ever again.

 

So like I said, most of the time I simply smile, nod and pray they find their way to a source of reliable information about the true realities of “just adopting.” Oh, and every once in a while, I will sneak in a knowing laugh and say something innocent like, “Yeh, if it were only that easy.”

One thing I’ve always appreciated about my friends at Tapestry is that they are honest about the realities of adoption. We all know that adoption is full of more blessings and joys than we could have ever imagined, but the journey is also marked with loss, challenges and even heartache. Over the years, Anthony and I have had the privilege to speak at several Tapestry events and conferences and our favorite topics are the ones dealing with the “myths and realities” of adoption.  I love sharing the honest truth about adoption – the good and the beautiful along with the bad and the ugly – with couples who are eager yet understandably fearful to begin the process.  While our desire is to give an honest representation of the ups and downs of this journey, there is inevitably a sense of hope and encouragement when our time with them comes to an end.

This journey is not something that we decided to “just go and do.”  We have committed to it, lived it and felt it deeply, and as a result it has changed us.  When I hear other parents talk about their adoption journey openly and honestly, I often feel a connection of sorts with them.  No, their story is not my story, but I know very well the journey they’ve been on and are still on.  I appreciate their honesty and I resonate with the hope and joy they feel.

So whether you’re just beginning to consider adoption or foster care or have been traveling this journey for some time, I encourage you to check out the wide range of resources that Tapestry has to offer and, more importantly, get connected with others who understand and are willing to walk each step of the way with you.

Also Found In: Tapestry Blog

2 Comments

  • I have been through rough pregnancies, labor, delivery, new borns, and am now on the ground in Ukraine “just adopting”. This is by far the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. My heart is broken and restored at least daily, and my eyes are never dry. If someone told me I was “just adopting” I would probably not be as loving as you…

    Rachel
    January 25, 2012 at 3:37 pm

  • Thank you for sharing Kristin. I remember being in Russia with you when Luke was coming home. You and Anthony are a blessing and inspiration to many! Yes, sometimes people can be insensitive. A lady told me, “Well you took the easy route.” Really? God knows what all we went through and I know that was part of his perfect plan to create our family with an unbreakable bond and love for each other!

    Laurie Wright
    January 27, 2012 at 1:39 pm