I recently read “Things Were Better Before You Came.” It’s a memoir written by Doug Walker, an adoptee.

Doug always knew he was adopted; he says, “The knowledge of my adoption was an extremely significant factor contributing to my self-worth. I had never been given any reason to doubt my parents’ love for me because I believed had been chosen.” Then one day in a moment of frustration Doug’s mother said the words that became the title of this book, “Things were better before you came.” As Doug works through how this statement affected him, he reflects a lot on his relationship with his mother.

What I found most interesting was how Doug considered how his mother’s past affected her parenting. He says, “I am now also able to acknowledge how much pain she had endured and how …[it]… contributed to her struggles as a parent.” Doug’s story is a good reminder to us deal with our pasts so we can better connect with our children. This is something Dr. Purvis talks about in her book “The Connected Child,” and in this video Looking at Ourselves to Help Our Children Heal.

Looking at Ourselves to Help Our Children Heal from Tapestry on Vimeo.

For more from Dr. Karyn Purvis visit http://www.empoweredtoconnect.org

To learn more about Doug Walker’s book visit http://thingswerebetter.com and learn more about Doug visit The Fellowship of the Parks.

 

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