The McClellans

My husband, Scott, and I started our journey with the simple phrase, “We’re open to adoption.” God heard us and provided opportunities for us to learn more about adoption. In the end, we’ve chosen to start our family by adopting from Vietnam. We didn’t try to conceive, and we don’t know what the future will bring, but we do know that we are starting our family and “pregnantly” waiting for our child.

As we’ve started this journey we have encountered many different perceptions of adoption. I naïvely thought we might not experience some of these reactions since we aren’t infertile (at least as far we know). However, it seemed like some people need that answer as a reason for our decision to adopt. Since we can’t give it, I suppose we appear a little weirder to those people.

One lady told me, “You know, I know people who have gotten pregnant after adopting.” I replied, “We’re not adopting because we found out we were infertile.” She said, “I know, but still.” Still what? It’s an inappropriate comment? Another woman, whom I know a little better, said, “You’re doing it for good reasons . . . adopting another person’s child.” I was puzzled by that comment, but eventually I figured it out. We are adopting “another person’s child” in her eyes. But we are also adopting our child – the child whom God already knows will be a part of our family.

Adoption stirs up different feelings in people – but we only feel love. We are ready to love our first child and welcome him or her into our home. In the same way, my seven pregnant friends are waiting to welcome their first children into their homes. They are all having baby showers and counting down the weeks until their little ones arrive. I attend their showers, but I’ve been introduced twice as “the one who is adopting.” It seems that I am no longer introduced with, “This is my friend Annie,” but with “This is Annie, the one who is adopting.” Apparently I have a new name! My standard response is usually just a smile because honestly I feel a bit put on the spot – but I really wish I could say, “and I drive a black Xterra.” I think others hearing this sort of introduction feel put on the spot too, because they usually don’t say much.

At the showers, after the introductions come the presents. I sit and watch as the expecting women receive newborn clothes, newborn diapers, mittens and all sorts of breastfeeding paraphernalia. As I watch, I realize I won’t need to register for those things. We won’t likely meet our child until he or she is 12 months old. So I sit at the showers with these thoughts running through my head, and at times I feel out of place. There is a whole pregnancy world that I’m not a part of . . . that I’m not experiencing. I’m not looking for pity, though.

Instead, I’m looking for understanding and acceptance, because I’m going to be a mom, too – and I’m going to think I have the best child ever known to mankind. I’m going to be a mom, but I don’t have a protruding belly, I don’t have morning sickness (which I’m not upset about), I don’t have weight gain and I don’t have water retention. I don’t have these telltale physical signs of “expecting,” but I do have a ‘pregnant’ heart. I’m not undergoing physical change – I’m undergoing heart change.

Choosing to adopt is one of the greatest decisions Scott and I have made, and I feel privileged to be a part of the adoption family. I feel privileged because I get to experience the blessings of a community that not many people get to experience. We found this community in Tapestry, and have felt supported from day one.

Even so we still field occasional random and ridiculous questions, but we’re making peace with that. In fact, we’ve even learned to laugh at some of the questions and comments we hear. Bearing in mind that we are adopting from Vietnam, we were recently asked, “So will your child look Asian?” Another person, in response to hearing the news that we are expecting, said “You know, there’s a Vietnamese piano protégé at my college.”

What do you say to that? The best we can do is to try to understand, and to try to laugh about it later. After all, both comments were spoken innocently enough. But we are giving serious thought to foregoing our 401k’s, and instead investing in a grand piano.

Annie McClellan is married to Scott and they live in Plano, work in Dallas and go to church in Irving. They decided to adopt from Vietnam the day before they found out about Brad and Angelina. Annie and Scott now serve on the Tapestry leadership team.

Also Found In: Stories, Waiting Well